Monday, January 26, 2015

study yang menggelabah, depres tak tentu hala dan ajl (tetiba)

assalamualaikum wbt.

aku sejak kebelakngan ni memang stress je keje.

rasa tak nak hidup dah la.. rasa nak quit study la.. rasa nak adi kerani la..

sebabnya, sejak kebelakangan ni, aku ingat aku hebat buat lab, tapi sebenarnya tu tipu belaka. orang panggil false positive. rasa maca loser gila.

dan pada masa yang sama aku dah redha sesangat. kalau 10 tahun untuk aku habiskan phd ni, maka 10 tahunlah aku dah tak peduli. biarlah aku kena repeat experiment atau writing bertahun-tahun.

orang sekitar selalu menganggap yang kerja lab ni senang. bagi aku, tak senang. atau mungkin aku anggap kerja aku paling susah dalam dunia. kerja orang lain senang.

aku kena alan dari makmal ke makmal. turun dan naik, lagi teruk kalau terlupa barang. aku kena pegang pippette, mix solution dan buat buffer. aku kena basuh radas sendiri.

pendek kata, aku punya kerja macam buat kerja rumah (basuh baju, gosok baju, basuh pinggan). it is a physical work. bukan duduk sahaja sambil menghadap komputer dan menaip. atau berfikir.

itu hari lain. hari yang tak ada hati nak buat lab. itu lagi pening kepala. nak buat conclusion lagi. nak tulis result. nak fikir mana satu yang aku dah salah buat.

itu aku lah.

aku redha je sekarang. aku tau kerja orang lain sebenarnya lagi susah. aku je yang merungut lebih. tambah pulak sekarang dah pukul 9.20 malam. bila aku nak balik ni?

***

aku depres tak tentu hala aku akan cakap dan fikir macam-macam. bila aku tengok budak sekolah bawak beg, aku kesian kat diorang sebab kecik-kecik dah kena paksa belajar dan menghadapi periksa. aku faham perasaan tu. betapa aku tak suka belajar dan periksa. tapi ape hal pulak yang aku belajar sampai sekarang ni?

banyak kali aku sebut suruh laki aku pindah tempat lain. supaya aku boleh kerja kampung. kerja bela kambing misalnya. atau ayam kampung. aku nak jadi orang kampung. aku rasa orang bandar ni terlalu terkerjar-kejar dan jjadi hamba kerja. especially orang orang yang menghadap jam tu. aku memang kagum gila dengan korang. macam mana korang survive eh?

and ada juga berkali kali aku cakap aku nak migrate. sebab aku rasa negara ni dah tak best. banyak penindasan. harga barang makin naik. nak beli kereta yang selesa kena hutang 5-9 tahun. nak beli rumah lagi lah. nak dapat kehidupan yang sempurna pun susah. jadi ia jadi susah.

patutnya aku kena bersyukur. tapi tengoklah syukur aku sampai mana nanti.

***

ajl dah lama dah lepas. lama sangat. dulu memang suka ajl. anugerah juara lagu 29 hari tu memang aku tengok sebab lama sangat aku tak tengok. orang lain mengamok ngamok lagu apa khabar tu menang. sebagai peminat tegar too phat, korang sebenarnya menghayat tak apa yang si joe flizzow tu rapkan? aku first time dengar pun dah tau tu cerita dia untuk malique, zaman-zaman too phat, zaman-zaman aku sekolah menengah 10-12 tahun dulu. tetiba pulak meroyan ni apahal?

tapi yang pasti malaysia ni banyak sangatlah hiburan. pening kepala aku. kalau tak ajl, gegar vaganza, tak pun maharaja lawak, tak pon akademi fantasia. bersambung sambung dari awal tahun ke hujung tahun. aku rasa memang konspirasi pemuat duit ni nak bagi rakyat malaysia lagha. layan lagu dan hiburan bertingkek-tingkek. kerajaan pulak buat tak tahu je. kaya raya astro dah lah kita bayar tetiap bulan untuk hiburan. bayar untuk merosakkan otak. apa nak jadi ni?

ha kan dah meroyan lagi. dah. aku nak tengok mesin kat bawah aku cerita, and aku nak balik. adios..

Monday, January 12, 2015

new year. adakah aku akan jadi 'the new me' ?

assalamualaikum wbt.

it is almost half a month of January. I have few resolutions sketched in my mind. should have jot down here so that I can look back my achievement throughout the year like the year before.

as for now, I can not sleep; a stupid car's alarm somewhere keep on bugging my sleep, I can not stand the sound. hence writing at 2.30 am on Monday! oh yes, Monday.

back to my resolution for this year. not much. so this year, am considering to travel more. kalau ada rezeki lebihlah. tak kisahlah di mana, dalam Negara pon okay for me. i love seeing people around the world, the culture, the architecture.

that is one.

two.

would like to learn new language. maybe Korean, or Italian. sangat suka bila Julia Roberts order food d itali dalam Eat, Pray, Love movie. jatuh cinta. perkataan spaghetti pon sounds sexy. well as for Korean, I'm not into K-pop and K-drama much., but i think i have an easy excess to learn it(note: watching running man and the return of superman of course). nanti tengoklah end of this year bahasa apa yang dapat aku kuasai.

we'll see..

three.

meneruskan usaha ke arah pengurusan badan. this time, my target is still 60 kg. and of course, consume more veges and fruits.

four.

to live a happy life. enjoyable life. and jangan jadi hamba kerja. even though i'm not that workaholic before, i need to remind myself that not being a workaholic and have great weekends without thinking about work is absolutely okay. bukan bos aku yang bagi rezeki. Allah tu yang bagi rezeki.

five.

to give more. especially to my parents. it is time. i am towards 40 now so i need to give more. so i can feel content. and of course, happy.

six.

habiskan labwork, and start writing.


so i think that is all. nothing fancy. same old, same old. hopefully this 2015 wll give me a prosperous year, amen.

regards

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

end of the year

assalamualaikum wbt.

to be honest, this time aku agak tak sabar nak conclude everything yang berlaku this year. I feel so blessed, despite all the hardships, I survived. and great things happen one by one.

so here I would like to revised and looked back and summarized back my life in 2014.

as according to my new year's resolution for 2014; here goes.

1. travelling more
2. shed extra weight
3. eat healthy
4. 2 international conference
5. publish a paper
6. go to the UK

so for number 1,
aku rasa dah tercapai. for the first time in my life, I went abroad (Korea) and fefeeling tourist gittew. I was happy, because not just Korea, I managed to go to Philippines (Boracay), and Singapore. Itu pun dah kira banyak untuk aku. and of course dalam Negara, although not that much, tapi pergi PD sampai 3 kali tu dah kira banyak kot. first with the girls, second dengan office mate, and third dengan family.

and I really hope more great trips next year! wohoo!

number 2,
I did shed some extra weight. to be honest, berjaya kurangkan almost 8 kilos, but gained back 3 kilos. aku tak kira nak salahkan hari raya jugak! since raya, aku start gained weight and malas dah nak bersenam.. but I am thankful sebab dah berjaya kurangkan few kilos. and learned a lot of things regarding weight lost, and exercise and healthy eating. so the journey will continue insyaaAllah. will try to start again next year and hope to lose another few kilos! sikit-sikit lama banyak lah yang kurang tu kan. aku nak jadikan tahun baru sebagai kick starter. kita tengok macam mana nanti ye!

number 3,
eat healthy. Alhamdulillah, sebab aku dah belajar macam mana nak kurus dan hidup sihat, this year kira aku makan paling banyak sayur! serious! I also did some fruit smoothies. cuma tak berapa rajin sangat but its okay I think. clap-clap to me sebab makan banyak sayur this year. of course this journey is a continuous journey and will eat more veggies and fruits in this coming year!

number 4,
I did go to 2 conferences. not sure the first one is consider as international or not. but still, I managed to present one poster and one oral for this year. I am thankful for that! the Singapore conference is the best. more conference next year, insyaaAllah..

number 5,
publish a paper. well, not exactly publish a paper but this year, I helped my sv and friends in editing one paper. my name was on it. it has not been published yet. tapi ok lah ada satu on going. and yes there is one paper from my colleague, which I also contributed, so there's one published. hopefully another 2 to come with my name as the first author!

number 6,
go to the UK. actually, aku ada bercita cita nak buat attachment kat UK. but I have no result in hand, dan cita cita tak bersungguh-sungguh. tapi ada hint hint jugaklah dalam kehidupan seperti, Dina dah pergi UK, colleague kak siti pon dah pergi UK, my lab mate nurul pun dah kerja kat UK. even my sv pon dah berhint-hint suruh hantar proposal untuk ke UK.

but I did send the proposal tu my sv. tu pon recently. Got rejected, I expect that. tapi kita kena berusaha kan! sv suruh betulkan few things. insyaaAllah, kalau dah memang rezeki nak pergi tu, aku pergi. doakan aku ye!

so that's all i think.

more prosperous more positive vibes next year! can't wait to see you 2015!

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

conference - singapore - best

assalamualaikum wbt.

aku ni sebenarnya tak boleh nak imagine kalau aku dah ada ijazah aku, dan aku akan ada anak-anak buah aku, atau student aku sendiri, aku akan berhenti atau tidak tulis blog.

maklumlah blog tak matang. tak ada gaya supervisa. bayangkan kalau supervisa aku ada blog tak matang macam ni, apalah agaknya pandangan aku terhadap supervisa tersebut? *can't imagine

so post kali ini adalah mengenai trip pendek cum conference di singapore.

untuk pengetahuan semua, ini adalah pertama kali aku menjejakkan kaki ke singapore. punyelah jakun. padahal, 3 tahun duduk jb, sekali pun tak pernah pergi. ni dah jauh baru nak terhegeh-hegeh kannn...

tambah pulak conference di N.US. dahlah N.US adalah universiti idaman, jadi mahu pergi lihat dan tengok dari dekat adalah sangat membuak-buak. N.US adalah antara 50  universiti terbaik dunia dan bila dapat join conference kat sini agak rasa honored jugaklah.

so, aku bertolak dengan teman-teman, su and fizah ke klia 2, naik flight paling murah harga rm78 tanpa sebarang pertambahan, termasuklah luggage dan tempat duduk. sampai di changi, berusaha untuk merantau dan berkelana cari jalan ke N.US. organizer dah siap siap bagi jalan untuk sampai ke sana.

dan kami kat sana boleh naik bas percuma, dan stay di salah satu hostel kat sana. memang untuk pertama kali datang, dan kena pulak naik bas sendiri sebab kami datang dengan public transport, memang agak sesat di situ. sesat pun dalam N.US dan pusing pusing situ juga. so agak penat, tapi bila sampai bilik, aku okay je.

dan officially, kami memang perasan sangat yang kami ni student N.US sebab tiba-tiba pandai turun naik bas ye. mode perasan: ON.

hostel yang kami duduk pon not bad, pintu guna access card, dan ada water heater shower. and of course, toilet sharelah semua orang. dah nama pon hostel kan.




niat di hati nak pergi conference bukan duduk hotel kan? ok teruskan..

so, nak pergi tempat kejadian pon boleh naik bas sahaja and its free.

tempat makan halal pun ada. so far, keluar dua kali sahaja, first pergi seven E untuk beli bubur nasi segera dan itu lah dinner aku, second makan pizza.

and aku bawak roti dan sambal hijau penyelamat untuk makan di kala lapar. so far hal makan memang tak ada hal.




bagi aku, conference ni memang best sebab half of the contents are related to my study. kira sambil menyelam minum air. as for me, i presented my paper. so present paper orally - checked!

so of course, we have a city tour that last day of the conference. kami decide terus nak balik lepas city tour. city tour, kami jalan-jalan di marina bay, merlion yang famous tu, dan chinatown. lepas tu, kami terus balik, proceed terus ke little india dan aku berpisah dengan su and fizah sebab diorang naik bas terus ke kl, and aku naik bas ke jaybe dulu.

so sikit gambar jalan jalan kami;









dengan gigihnya untuk first timer macam aku naik bas sorang-sorang dari singapore to jb. bertawakal jugaklah aku sebenarnya, sambil google-google nak cari jalan. jadi dari little india tu, aku berpisah dengan budak-budak ni dan straight to Queens street. sebenarnya ada MRT kot kat situ, not sure. but nak pergi together-gether punya pasai, aku sanggup jalan kaki. berbekalkan peta di tangan, aku sampai jugak kat queen street. ada tanya orang sikit dan nasib baik orang sini agak helpful. memang tiba-tiba aku rasa bangga sebab aku boleh baca peta despite of construction sana-sini! 

sampai queen street, terus naik bas kuning causeway link. which tak lama pun tunggu, boleh terus naik dengan harga lebih kurang 3 dollar. and ada few girls yang berbackpack jugak macam aku. so tak adalah rasa awkward sangat. and petang tu, aku sampai jb sentral (instead of Larkin). aku pon tak tahu macam mana aku boleh sampai jb sentral, and i have no idea how to take the bus to larkin. and seriously, jb sangat bertukar dah sekarang. now, dah berapa lama tak pergi jb and jb sentral and cs to be exact? hmm..

so sampai jb, memang nak niat utama nak jumpa diorang ni!!!!

makan kat BigFood

kalau nak tau, oli is one of my best friend masa kat utm dulu, suka duka nangis sedu sedan semua dengan dia lah! and we have our own blog and gang satu bilik masa postgrad dulu. oh how time flies. sedih jugak azma and ina tak dapat join. but its okay. next time perhaps? 

and ini first time dapat jumpa Adni comel! nanti kita jumpa lagi please jangan lupa aunty ye!

so that is all for now. sikit-sikit je cerita pasal singapore ni. as for me, singapore is very clean. i always remember Harith iskander's jokes about malaysian and singaporean. so kena behave. haha! niat di hati nak terjah semua tempat, tapi memang tak sempat sebab nak pergi jb. tapi pasti ada next time. ada banyak tempat kena explore ni sebab dekat. hehe. 

bye. see you in next entry. 

Thursday, December 18, 2014

trip to Boracay island - part 2

assalamualaikum wbt.

hola holi! aku happy sesangat ni dapat internet laju gila kat sini. sini tu mana? haaaaa.. nanti len kali kalau boring and ada masa boleh cerita ceriti kat sini.

sekarang ni tengah boring dan ada masa, kena update hal boracay yang tak habis cerita lagi ni.

day 3 in boracay; and actually kind of last day jugak lah sebab besoknya dah nak balik. thinking about going home and face the reality, is really a bad idea. terus rasa macam alaaaaaaaaaa... kenapa awal sangat kena balik niiiii???!!

ok emo.

so day 3, hafsah has already booked another hotel , deparis hotel for that day (and night). it's a hotel just in front of the beach! and sunsets! i am happy just thinking about it. haha.

so the plan is to go to puka beach, have some beach activity and leisure time. so we packed our bag, and walked to the de paris hotel which is not that far. in front of the hotel, there was a guy, dodok, who offered us a package for sea activity. both azmi and I would like to try parasailing and the package includes sailing on a blue sailboat. no kidding, with blue sail. so after some discounts, we agreed to take 15 minutes parasailing and 2-hour-sailing package for 1200 peso perperson (rm95).

the blue sail boat!


we went for parasailing first and a speed boat took us to the parasailing spot. azmi and i were the first couple and it was an exciting experience especially when the parachute started to go up. the view is perfect. plus, it is a perfect time to have a good 10 minutes chat with your spouse while enjoying the view. it was kind of a romantic moment actually. heee..


getting ready

YOLO!


reminder, if you are sea sick or afraid of height - consider not to go. but please try for the sake of 'YOLO'!

after parasailing, we got back to the beach, met dodok and he lead us to the blue sailboat. i feel like a rich girl already! it was an awesome experience, no engine, and the sailboat just sail with the wind. it was breathtaking, and we enjoyed the view so much! the kapitan took us to the unknown beach, took some rest, and then to the aklan beach, where we went for a sweet light lunch at the one and only mango shake stall there.

and there they are, the lost cowboy and the water ghost. haha.

and we found these boys having fun.

nearby aklan jetty. 

it took us around 3 hours sailing and it was great. i've never sail before and in Boracay, everything is kind of possible!

i feel rich already!

we arrived at the beach and we decided to go to the Willie's Rock first. Willie's is one of the trademark of the Boracay island. it is a volcanic formation that has stairs leading to a chapel at the top. it is a hotspot for photo taking, and the beach is amazingly beautiful with white sands and clear blue water. memang cantik gila!


great weather!


and us at the Willie's rock

next, we went to Puka beach nearby, with 15 minute ride by tricycle from the white beach. we went there at around 4 and greeted by these boys.


ok my husband and din are malaysian. tapi muke masing masing dah macam pinoi dah!

trademark puka beach. look at the sea behind us. cantik!

after some time at Puka beach, we quickly headed back to the White Beach as the time is almost 5. it was our last sunset in Boracay, nak tak nak, kita mesti kejar itu sunset!

we grabbed some late lunch at D'mall, and walked towards the beach. we managed to enjoy the sunset in front of the hotel. very very nice. 

sunsets i love you. 

we headed back to the hotel, had our dinner with the remaining Brahims, headed out for some shopping at the D'mall. that night, we have our massage appointment at my room with only 250 pesos for an hour. 

the next day, we packed our bag and had our breakfast. did some last minute shopping, at 9.30 am, the Southwest people came and picked us up to the jetty! 

i don't want to go home just yet!

well, on our way home, we rode a small bus to the airport. it was the best journey i've ever had i think, the bus' driver had this jam with all my favorite song. i was like crying with joy when all the songs from nickelback, third eye blind, the calling played through out the journey with this view.

macam mana la tak nangis. dahlah kena meghadap realiti dah. huhuhuuuu...

we arrived quite early at the kalibo. dont worry, kalibo airport is not as bad as we thought it is. once after we checked in, there are seating, lots of small shopping booths and free wifi. 

and that's a wrap!

good bye Boracay! you will be missed!

Monday, December 8, 2014

trip to Boracay island - part 1

assalamualaikum wbt.

baru tak baru sangat, early november this year, we had this short vacation cum honeymoon in BORACAY island! yeah baby yeah!

actually hafsah has already told everything in her blog about this trip (including the expenses in RM). so here i just jot down my experience on having a blast in this beautiful island.

so first thing first, Boracay island is located in Philippine. i was actually a bit skeptical on having a vacation here because it is an island. untuk aku, kalau nak pergi pulau, baik pergi pulau perhentian (nothing can beat pulau perhentian ok, except, if i go to mabul then itu lain ceritalah).

man, i was so wrong. this island is totally something!

so the trip is 4 days in total, from saturday to tuesday. our flight was around 11 am, and we arrived there at 7 pm. it was a long trip. it took 4 hours by flight, landed at Kalibo International Airport (which is quite traditional and small - imagine manual bag checking and non-digital weighing machine) and  took another 2 hours to reach Caticlan jetty. 10 minutes to the island, and another 10 minutes to the hotel. hafsah has already book everything online, from flight ticket to the bus ride, ferry and van. thank you hafsah! jasamu dikenang!

day one was tiring. we reached there at 7 which was already dark at that time. the sun sets at 5.20 pm so we missed the beautiful sunsets in boracay. that night, we decided to have our dinner, and walk around and see what boracay can give us for these few days ahead. with some instinct, we found D'Mall which is located at the famous white beach with lots of nice restaurant, booze and souvenir shops.

the main reason is to search for a great and value for money package for the next day's activity. we met Ray a Filipino guy who offered us 2000 peso for island hopping, snorkeling and fish feeding, visiting crystal cove, and magic island. yes, 2000 peso is for 6 person and i think its cheap.

but, we need to pay an extra 200 peso for sea insurance (i have no idea why do we need that) and few hundred pesos for snorkeling gears. pandai tak diorang main harga kat situ. but i think the price is still okay sebab the experience is the best bro!

the next day, the person in charge has already waiting for us in front of the hostel. mata kau akan terkujat beruk tengok kecantikan pantai rasa macam nak nangis! well, we arrived at night, memang tak nampak laut lah masa tu kan. but the view is extraordinary beautiful!

you can see this along the way. we got 250 peso per person thanks to azmilia and hafsah. diorang ni pandai tawar menawar. 

"take your shoes off" purred the ocean waves. -Dr.SunWolf


and off we go to feed the fish!

and of course, my husband suddenly think he's the fish attractor.

Crystal cove island is a must visit island when you come to boracay. kat situ boleh tengok laut jernih dalam gua (hence, crystal cove) and of course, enjoy the beautiful view. memang cantik sangat-sangat, you'll never regret.

selamat datang

the weather is not so good. but i still think its refreshing to see the beautiful color of the sea. 

and the crystal clear water. 

another laki bini dalam air jernih parat lutut pic. 

after a while at crystal cove, the boat took us to another island; the Magic island. Well, at crystal cove we are amazed by the view, but in Magic Island people can go for...

cliff diving!

ok of course we are not that brave to jump like the above photo. that one is the highest, 10 meters. but after almost half an hour, doing nothing but seeing these strangers jumping from sort-of cliff, and my husband is actually wanted to try it, so we give it a go. at the end, azmi, din and i did the jump! it was the craziest thing i've ever did. and of course, if i can do this, i can do anything now! it was awesome!


take the leap of faith, bebeh.

and that's the end of our island hopping package. ok lah tu and sangat puas hati. 

we arrived at our hostel around 3-ish. we get changed, had our lunch, and decided to go to D'talipapa for shopping!

D'talipapa is a cheaper place for you to buy souvenirs and t-shirts. we (husband and i) are not so good in haggling. hafsah and azmilia are gifted which they can haggle like crazy, and got almost half price on everything! the souvenir here is cheaper, and you can haggle as much as you can. T-shirts are okay, but ones in D'mall are nicer with higher quality. 

we had our dinner here in D'talipapa. We can buy seafood at their wet market (located at the center) and few restaurants do provide cooking service. so, go buy fresh seafood here and haggle like crazy. 




one of the main reason to come here is to taste the lobster! it is a seafood heaven and we can see rare species like the blue fish which i have no idea what it's call and sea urchins. haggling is really a serious matter here and  try to ask 1/2 of the offered price.

so that night is wrap for day-2 and part one or course. will continue later. 

trip to Boracay island - part 2. 

Monday, November 17, 2014

update apa apa pon malas

tapi gambar ni kasi upsikitlahbuat kenangan.

muahahaha!


sebesar-besar muka! sila tengok pemandangan di belakang. muehehe..

nanti update. tu pun kalau rajin. ni tengah malas tahap maharajalawak mega dah ni..